This is my brain on klezmer

Reflections on klezmer, stimming and identity

Music is something that has always been important to me, but when I first heard Klezmer I fell in love in a way I never had before. The way it flowed back-and-forth and back-and-forth spoke to me so beautifully. I was instantly obsessed. '

A recent Spotify Wrapped of mine

Musical klezpanion

It has never been uncommon to find me listening to music in some way. In elementary school I would spend hours upon hours in my room with my iPod plugged into my little pink speaker-radio combo. Blasting the latest song I was obsessed with. Coming up with, often silly, interpretive dances and ways to move with the music. This routine was a vital part of my day to day life, and was immeasurably important to me.

As I grew up my love of music, and how I showed it, morphed with me through many different stages. Pandora running near constantly on my iPod Touch in middle school (either through earbuds or its speakers), to eventually settling on using Spotify on my phone. By high school, I nearly always had headphones in — It didn’t matter if I was having a conversation with someone, walking in-between classes at school, or (depending on how lenient the teacher was) sitting in class. I have always felt better having some form of music playing in the background. Having music on in the background gives me something to focus on, to move to, and over all helps me think as I go about my day. 

As time went on the more I started seeking out genres and songs that helped explain the world around me, represented my interests, and my emotions. Before I had access to the internet, and the beautiful world of music, all I had access to was whatever early 2000s pop music my mom had downloaded for herself on the iPod she gave me. With time and increasing access to platforms like YouTube, Pandora, and eventually Spotify. I was increasingly able to branch out my music tastes and start discovering what I liked. This typically was some type of folk music. No matter how my tastes changed throughout the years, folk music was the one constant in my listening. 

Eureklæzmer!

I was first introduced to klezmer my senior year of high school. A friend of mine had recently stumbled upon Daniel Kahn and the Painted Bird and made me listen to their music. I was instantly obsessed. It was truly love at first listen, I couldn’t get enough. All I wanted to do was listen and force every single person I knew to listen as well. Klezmer music enticed me and drew me in a way I had never felt before.

Klezmer was a combination of so many things I loved. From my increasing interest in Jewish culture to my love of exploring different languages like Russian and Yiddish to my love of clarinet and accordion. I had never found music before that so beautifully combined all these things I was in love with and passionate about. Klezmer spoke to me in a way no other music had before and it was absolutely beautiful.

Klezmoving and listening

The main thing I listen for in music is motion. This motion, while separate from the audio itself, is often interlinked with it. When I listen to music I can both feel, and in a complex way, see the motion of the music that is playing. In terms of feeling it often presents itself as a way I want, and almost need, to move while listening. With what I see then often being connected to what I feel. For klezmer this motion is a back-and-forth figure eight. Comparatively a waltz is a more curved semi circle back-and-forth motion, but jazz typically feels entirely flat. That back-and-forth motion is one of my favorite feelings in the universe. The way the music sways is incredibly calming and comforting. 

One of the major drives of my love for that back-and-forth motion and specifically the klezmer figure eight motion is how it perfectly complements stimming. Stimming is repetitive self-stimulating behavior or motions used to self-soothe, express emotion, as well as help regulate a person's nervous system. Stimming is something that has always been important in my life, long before I had the words to explain what it was I was experiencing.

I have always loved rocking back and forth when I am nervous or bored, moving my hands in shapes and circles to whatever I was listening to, or flapping my hands when excited or happy. Klezmer meshes perfectly for me with stimming. The back-and-forth gives me a pace to stim to. Both the rocking and the figure eight motion give me a set way to move my hands along with the music. All while being beautiful and culturally impactful. Having these meshed together in such a meaningful way  further enhances and complements each one, all while also being beautiful, meaningful, and culturally impactful. It’s something I truly love and value.

I didn’t quite have the words to express my relationship to klezmer at first, but ever since I discovered it, it’s been my top genre. At times, it is almost exclusively what I listen to  as I go about my day. Having the motion to follow and to stim to — these interactions with klezmer remain an invaluable and cherished asset to my life.